Another year gone and a new one started. Same as every year; takes a few weeks to automatically write 2017 on our checks instead of 2016. Resolutions made; some will be kept and some ~ not so much. Another year added to our age and if there are still children in the house, another year closer to their tweens, high school or leaving the nest. Some of us may lose an aging parent, a job, become engaged, marry or even  or divorce. The year is a bit over one week old so essentially a blank slate.

Anyone who reads my posts surely must recall what I’m looking forward to. My seven months overdue Botox for Migraine injections which I’m thrilled to say I received on January 2 and already booked my 3 month appointment. Now I’m counting down the days till January 31 when I have the vision in my right eye corrected with a simple laser treatment. That still won’t restore my near vision and I can’t make an appointment for my left eye until the right one is done. I also can’t make an appointment for a refraction (eyeglass fitting) until both eyes are done. Whenever I have the refraction done I’m getting measured for contact lenses because losing my near vision overnight isn’t working out too well for me. I haven’t knit or read a book since the winter of 2015-2016 ~ one year ago. I’m up to the highest strength of cheater glasses so hope this can be finished up as soon as possible. But I have the January 31 appointment so I’m trying to stay positive. It’s progress albeit it small.

My biggest dilemma of this year actually came on Christmas night but it took until January 1 for me to process it and decide how to move forward.  My best friend’s (since I moved to Maine) ex-husband with whom she maitained a good relationship  was killed in a single car accident the morning of December 20. He was a bit pompous and a womanizer which is why they divorced many years age, sharing custody of their only son. However he was an excellent physician who was in charge of the local ER for 18  years. He went on to implement new programs for the rural community, started a health center in an extremely rural area then went to work overseas with Doctors Without Borders where he worked on missions in South Sudan, Ethiopia, Kenya, Uganda, Nigeria, Malawi, Sri Lanka and the Congo. He risked his life volunteering to care for Ebola patients in West Africa four times. I learned about the accident approximately 2 hours after it happened but waited till the afternoon to call her even though I knew afternoons were not the ideal time to speak to her. My friend drinks. She doesn’t talk about it nor does she stagger  or fall. She always has a Nalgene bottle with her sipping  water. However around noon she replaces the water with white wine and unless you talk to her you’d never know. When I had a legal matter my attorney spoke to her around 3pm and she spoke jibberish. At first I made an excuse for her but then I told him the truth. We had an understanding that if she was called to testify it would be early morning. Whenever my phone rang in the afternoon and I saw it was her number I wouldn’t answer. I simply cannot tolerate talking to someone who is drunk.  They make no sense at all and I find it beyond irritating. When I called her that afternoon as soon as she answered I knew she’d been drinking. She said “Hey he’s dead, what can you do? That’s life.” She assured me she was fine and didn’t need anything. I called her twice more in the next few days; the first time it went to voicemail and the second time I reached her on Christmas Eve morning.  Again, she was calm but in the years I’ve known her she never was a very emotional or demonstrative person.  I told her to please let me know when the memorial service was and we left it at that. On Christmas night  my daughter was driving home from the 6pm church service when her phone rang.  It was my friend. She demanded to know what was wrong with me. My daughter was confused and said “Well she can’t see very well”.  My friend went on and on about how she was dealing with a traumatic event in her family and couldn’t deal with “your mother’s stuff”.  My poor daughter was dumbfounded as she was sitting in the great room both times I was able to reach my friend. She had no idea what she was talking about. Being a rural area, there are dead cell spots every mile or so and the connection kept getting lost. My friend called back several times even more irate because of the dropped calls. The next time their call dropped she called back and was particularly nasty telling my daughter “I’ve had enough. Don’t ever call me again.” My daughter came in the house and asked if I had talked to my friend and I told her not since the  day before and asked why. When she told me I was shocked. I couldn’t figure out what I could have possibly said when we spoke that could have caused her to react like this a day later. To say I was upset is an understatement because I felt like a little girl again. Getting into trouble but not knowing what for. It really troubled me for nearly the entire week, causing insomnia and angst. I contemplated calling her and asking what I did to upset her. Then I thought I should call and apologize ~ but for what?  On January 1, 2017, I had my first clarity and told myself no. That I’d simply had enough. I am tired of being someone’s “punching bag” just because they’re mentally ill,  jealous or drunk. It started with physical abuse before I even began kindergarten and I am still allowing people to do it. So I blocked her number on both my phone and my daughter’s and haven’t lost any more sleep nor thought about it.10205960966445531

I’m not sure how I feel about her; I’m not angry but I’m not sad or upset. And I definitely don’t feel guilty which is a rather big step for me. I guess if I had to define my feelings I would say I’m done feeling guilty and done apologizing just to “please” someone else. I can’t guarantee I won’t feel guilty about something in the future, but right now I’m content to leave the past behind. Instead I’m enjoying the snow and …..

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looking ahead to getting my vison back.

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7 thoughts on “Happy New Year To Us….

  1. happy new year 2017 D! It’s been sometime since we connected. Reading your post I wish all the best for the coming year and may you continue to be appreciated loved for your great compassion and care of others

    1. I want to see so I can finish your WONDERFUL story. I used to practically salivate waiting for the net installment to come out. Now I primarily use a dictating app that hasn’t mastered my NY/NJ accent so it’s rather funny. Thank you for your kind words.

  2. Happy New Year! Great to hear from you-I did wonder if everything went all right.
    Yes…those sort of people are completely toxic and you would never receive any positive input from them. Drunks are intolerable..I think you are well out of it.
    Good to hear from you and I hope Sasha is doing well too 🙂 xx

    1. Sasha ~ well I’m not happy. The shoemaker is difficult to reach. Doesn’t answer phone, respond to emails and texts are sporadic. I don’t have her winter boots, her custom boot split and needs to be repair, plus still don’t have my UGGS I gave him in July for repair along w/ hubby’s western boots. And my daughter was trying to help me due to my &%^%*^ vision so took over Sasha’s meds. She gave 1/2 the dosage of one med for 38 days. But I got my Botox! Counting down to Jan 31 for R eye repair and going to make it crystal clear that booking out another several months for L eye repair is NOT acceptable. I can’t handle talking to a drunk. You know if someone got chatty because they had one too many drinks at a weddingI would be fine. Just not habitual drunks. I made a short video go my Botox when I picked up from pharmacy and spoke to you in it but then didn’t know where to put it so I deleted it. Good to hear from you as well.

      1. It sounds like it’s been annoying and frustrating. At least you have had the Botox so you don’t have to contend with that..Sorry about the video-I would have liked to have seen that! I suppose you can always add one to your post next time? It takes me all my time to add photos…I’m trying desperately to learn before my son goes to university or I’ll be rushing off to see him every weekend..or emailing him the posts to sort out!
        Was Sasha all right on the reduced dosage? What a shame about the shoemaker..I do hope you manage to get hold of him because she is doing so well-the newspaper article was lovely 🙂
        Oh well, just think-it can only get better :)xx

  3. Hope everything goes well with your vision. I understand about your friend. Alcoholism has been a problem in my family. My father drank to excess as did my sister. My father managed to straighten himself out, my sister never did. It was always painful talking to her on the phone when she’d been drinking. Often she didn’t make sense, rambled, offered unsolicited advice or had delusions of grandeur. Terrible, this thing called addiction. You made the right call with your friend. She can’t impose her problems on you and your family. Until she gets help, I would cut her off as well. No one should have to put up with that!

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