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It seems like yesterday we were celebrating your 6 month birthday

Today you would have been 11 years old, a calm yet dignified senior. I know your eyes would still be clear and brown, following me silently as I moved about. I also know you would still have your “fetish”  about being clean, something that used to crack your doggy daycare owner up. I took out the bells I hung on the door to housebreak you and allowed myself to wander back to April 2005 when you first entered my life. It was such a long drive, nearly 4 hours one way along a stretch of turnpike that was completely barren; no stores or gas stations, just trees  as far ahead as one could see. When we arrived at the PAWS Shelter in Calais I could literally see Canada as it was just a few minutes walk from where I stood. We bonded immediately ~ so much so that it was uncanny. I remember when out-of-state relatives came to visit in May. They asked if they could take you outside for a potty trip only to return 15 minutes later saying you wouldn’t go. I took the leash from them and walked you out. Once I said the word, you immediately went. They didn’t realize all your commands were in German and acted a bit indignant. But what fun we had! I took you to puppy class that summer and remember how the black flies attacked us. Many of the other humans weren’t bothered but not being a native Mainer black flies were new for me. I researched and found that  fabric softener sheets acted as a deterrent so the next week you had them tied onto your collar and I had them stuck everywhere.

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I think it was during that class that I first realized that many people from this area resent outsiders or as they refer to us, flatlanders. I was so tempted to ask the extremely rude and condescending class instructor if I needed special dispensation to cross the Maine border but figured it wouldn’t go over too well. I let it bother me for all of one night and after that I got a secret chuckle out of it. The irony of being called a flatlander is I learned to drive in a mountainous region very similar to Maine sans the rude people. It wasn’t until the last day of class during the graduation ceremony that I wanted to punch her lights out. When handing out the diplomas she referred to you as a “primadonna” and in a snarky tone of voice asked where your Downy dryer sheets were; that you’d have to toughen up if you were going to be a Mainer. Instead I sweetly told her that although she seems to find the dryer sheets amusing, at least your eyelids weren’t swollen like many of the other puppies in the room that night. She quickly shut up. I also never took her up on her Intermediate Training Course because she was an idiot.

That night when you hopped into my still new Volkswagen Jetta (oh those heated seats), I realized you had quickly become too tall for it. A few weeks later we went car shopping for a mid size SUV. I don’t really think it was because you were a black dog but when salesmen would show us SUVs you hopped into the back of the black ones every time which was a hoot. Unfortunately because Mom only drives a standard we wound up with a greyish green Honda. I still smile when I think of the dealerships reaction to me wanting to trade in a 6 month old car with less than 3k miles on it. They were great though and even installed a barrier gate I bought for the back (not that you ever used it). We had a lot of fun that year taking road trips in Maine to learn about our new state. We also visited other New England states and my home state of NJ. We even spent a few vacations either in NJ or some other state. You were so well-behaved, never chewing or barking unnecessarily in the hotels and never failed to get a compliment from housekeeping.

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I took a job as the jail nurse that fall and even though you were only 6 months old knew from the outside of the building exactly where my office was. A few times I brought you into the sally port and had you walk up the stairs and across the catwalk as I called it.

It was important to me that you become accustomed to different surfaces as well as surroundings. That was one of the reasons I walked you on sidewalks in a busy town, dirt roads and dense woods. I crossed busy city streets with you while travelling so you wouldn’t grow up fearful of traffic. People often asked why I spoke your commands in German since you weren’t a GSD but I told them it was habit

Your first autumn you decided to pull the chinking out from between the logs of the house. As I painstakingly hammered it back in I told you if we froze to death that winter it would be your fault so you better knock it off; didn’t faze you. Looking back I wonder if you rather enjoyed it as true chinking is made with hemp. Other than your chinking fixation you were a great puppy, never chewing shoes or door jambs. Although we did suffer a bit of pain when you were teething. Such alligator teeth! Yet at the same time you were kind for I remember picking Molly, the terrified beagle up from a transport in MA. You snuggled next to her for the long drive home which eased her trembling.picture-4029

The next spring when you turned one you began digging holes in the ground, usually in the same area. You dug so deep that I told you I was going to rent you out as a gravedigger. Once you FINALLY got out of that phase I turned the area into Callie’s Place. A Vietnam veteran down the road made picnic tables, chairs and wishing wells,  I asked if he could put “Callie’s Place” on a well and he did. Over the summer with your help of course I laid weed paper then covered it with cedar chips. We encircled it with rocks we brought down from the maintain and added a small child size bench. Over the years I added a few decorative glass items but for the most part it remains the same today. Funny how your last summer you and The Germs teamed up and dug a huge hole in the backyard.

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I remember when we  added Inga to our family and how leery you were of her at first. As tall as you were you were scared of a tiny puppy. Eventually you became best buddies. The two of you even destroyed the mattress when I boarded you for a few days at doggy day care, earning your picture on the Wall of Fame.

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The years seem to have passed much too quickly. It wasn’t because I worked but rather that it was such a long commute each way that my 12 hour shifts 3x a week turned into 15 or 16 hour days. But at least it gave me four days off in a row so we could do “dog things’. For a dog that was part lab you never cared for the water. When we went to the river so you and Inga (and later Sasha) could swim and cool off, you only dipped your feet in the water, preferring to explore the woods behind us. That’s why it was so ironic that your last summer you not only ventured into the river but actually swam. I’ll never forget that summer because at the end of it I kept saying it had been the best summer of your life. Little did I now it would be your last.

There were a lot of “labrador” traits you didn’t share; playing ball and  water sports. I remember when the canine DNA tests first came out and I did one on you. The results were  55% GSD, 34% labrador and the remainder a bit of this and that. Perhaps the GSD component played a factor in your amazing tracking ability. I often wondered if the “this and that” included Great Dane as you were so tall, much taller than The Germs. You weighed 100# but were lean and muscular. That takes me to the summer of the “boneyard”. You would go outside every day and bring me an animal bone and then sun yourself on the deck. After the third “gift” I followed to see where they were coming from only to discover a boneyard. A quick visit from the Dept of Fish & Game answered my questions. He said they knew coyotes were using my mountain as a crossing to the river because they track activity when possible and if a pack of coyote encounter a deer they “take it down”. It all clicked then because I often heard coyotes howling in the mountain and every once in a while I’d hear a God awful noise, almost like a woman screaming. The warden explained that was the noise a deer made when being attacked. I kept a loaded gun and when I’d hear then howl I’d shoot off a few rounds hoping it would disperse the pack this saving a deer.

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You were the first dog that was truly mine.  Yes I had one when I emancipated but you were different. Whereas that was happenstance I searched Petfinder diligently for you. Once I decided you were the one I had to wait for you to turn 8 weeks old. I still remember how excited I was when I brought you home. Our friend Tom tried to talk me into giving you to him because you were so adorable. Little did I know that the fluffy black baby I’d picked out on a computer would turn into a dog that gave me more love, attention and concern than my own parents.You had such an uncanny ability to hone into my every emotion, often before I knew they were there. I think with the proper training you would have made a wonderful PTSD dog.

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I also looked at your ThunderShirt today, the first time since you left me. For such a big fearless dog thunderstorms reduced you to a quivering mass of jelly. When Maine approved fireworks in 2012 it became even worse for you because people were either shooting guns, fireworks or both. I’d read such good reviews of the ThunderShirt and must say it helped you tremendously although initially I thought you looked funny wearing it.

I’ve thought about you a lot this week because your birthday was approaching. I wanted so much to make a tribute video but simply couldn’t get the hang of it. Plus I recently received some news about the veterinarian whom I blame for your death. One of the vets who fought to save your life that night sent a letter of complaint to the Board of Veterinary Medicine. She knew your vet was grossly negligent to keep you in her office all day with a slow dripping IV and a temperature escalating to a dangerous level. The Board issued her a reprimand ~ that’s it. She caused your death by allowing your temperature to reach over 106 degrees then told me it was time to leave as she was closing early. By the time I got you to the emergency clinic 2 hours away your temperature was over 107 degrees. They worked all night and got it down but the damage to your organs had already occurred and you were in acute renal failure. I did what I thought was best for you that day ~ taking you to your lifelong local vet because of the temp and nausea. I thought it would be easier on you to take a 20 minute car ride than a 2 hour one. I was wrong, a mistake that will never happen again. Not only was she your veterinarian but she was my friend;  we both hail from the city. We shared the same values, opinions and we had the same accent. I didn’t mention her for a long time and when the Board sent me forms to fill out I kept procrastinating. Now however I call it as it was; she caused your death. I know it, the doctors in Portland know it and most of all, she knows it. She apparently zeroed out my bill as I never received one (I wouldn’t have paid it anyway). She also purged all of your dog and cat siblings records because when I started going to a new veterinarian they called to get records and were told they didn’t have any plus never heard of my name. I saw her this summer at the Farmer’s Market while there with Sasha. She was heading over when she spotted me and did a fast about-face. Too bad because even though Sasha has a bum leg and lost her vision, once a Schutzhund IPO 3 (masters level) it’s ingrained. I would have told her to sitz  (sit) and gib laut (bark) just to watch the vet scamper as GSDs always made her nervous especially if they were working dogs. Oh well, there’s always next time.

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I miss you Callie Ann my angel, just as much as ever. I find myself remembering the abundance of joy and laughter you brought to my life more now than I did after you first left and I jumped on the Crazy Train of Grief. I still cry every once in a while when I see your picture appear on the digital frame and sometimes I daydream, remembering the many happy times we shared, how you enriched  my life in ways that you can’t possibly  know. There’s a black girl named Maddie who left her Mom one month after you left me. I like to think that you have found each other and are spending your days playing, free of the stress and pain of illness. And most of all, I KNOW we’ll be together again. You’ll run up with your favorite toy, Pinky, and look at me with those beautiful brown eyes and nudge me as if to say “Where’ve you been”? And I’ll tell you I had things to do but I’m here now and will never leave again.

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Jeanne B

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**I tried to get this up for her birthday but have literally been snowblowing and hand shoveling snow for over 6 days.

13 thoughts on “I Rang Your Bells Today…

  1. This is a beautiful remembrance of Callie Ann; so understandable why she was so special to you and why she is missed. A friend like this is never forgotten.

  2. I loved reading this and of course cried all the way through. I do believe Callie and Maddie have found each other and have forged an unbreakable bond. I too am still grieving over the loss of my girl, I actually think I always will. Thank you for always remembering my girl. ❤

    1. I felt “something” the moment I saw Maddie’s picture and I’m one to go with my gut instinct. I don’t know when or how, only that we’ll be with them again. Every day of the recent storms I would shoot little video clips. When I came to that snowbank I started crying. Not everyone understands; perhaps they think I’m a crazy dog lady but I knew you would which is why I mentioned you at the end. I u/l it privately to YouTube so only accessanble by clicking your name at end of the post. Thanks for being part of my world.

    1. I knew you would understand. Ironically it only took me 45 minutes to write for I didn’t care if I conjugated a verb or used the correct word. The pictures however took me hours as I usually make them smaller or into a slideshow. After vascillating most of the day I put them in as singles, not caring that it made the post longer to scroll through. I’m not necessarily sure that I believe in the Rainbow Bridge but I’m sure that I’ll see Callie again. It dawned on me yesterday Samantha ~ she completed me. Yes she was a dog incapable of speech but through her love and loyalty I seemed to finally overcome past terrors plus face most of my 4.5 year legal battle without losing it. My biggest regret is that she had to leave before it was over. I know, I probably sound like a dolt.

      1. It was lovely to see the pictures and you write from the heart. And I know…it’s like you’ve been looking for so long and then suddenly you’re whole, all there but it’s for too short a time. Then they’re gone and you’re looking again..but never forget the love because the love between you and Callie will be there always and forever xoxo

  3. How true Sables. When you think of their lifespan in comparison to man’s, we share our life with many. I have loved every dog I was blessed to be owned by but agree that there truly is one that is so unique, so special that losing them is very hard. I read something once that referred to them as our heart dog. Callie was definitely mine. Thank you.

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